Empathy

The intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another;  empathy.

 

I am currently studying a research based discipline method that focuses on empathy towards your children, students and those around you.

 

Often times as adults, we tend to tell the children what they need to do for us. I told you to pick up your room! You need to listen to me! I told you to do that. I have said that 5 times.

 

Sound familiar?What message is the child getting from you other than they are there to bend at your every will and do exactly what you told them to do to make YOU happy? Does it portray any other needs or expectations?

Compared to:

It's time to clean your room. When your room is dirty, it is difficult to find things that you need and hard to keep track of what is clean and dirty. It's time to clean your room.

(non compliance of course) I don't want to clean my room.

Well, it's time to clean your room. You can ask for help and I will assist you or you can do it by yourself but it is time to clean your room.

(still refuses)

You really don't want to stop playing or watching tv etc, to stop and clean your room. That's a hard thing to do when you really like what you are doing. I understand, but it's time to clean your room. I can assist you or you can do it by yourself. 

The key point is the empathy piece. I see that this is a hard decision for YOU. YOU want to keep playing with your toys. YOU don't want to stop to clean up. I understand. That's a hard choice to make.

Granted there are more steps for older, more non compliant kids who want the power struggle and to win over you, even if they really do like having a clean room :)

When we are able to express empathy to children and give them those words we are able to build such stronger relationships with them that are trusting and provide guidance. I struggle daily to empathize with the child who has been asking for Chee-tos 50 million times but only has 2 /5 stars so far because he hit and kicked and spit! Believe me! I KNOW YOU WANT THOSE CHEE-TOS! Not quite the empathy piece I examine tonight.

My point is...think about your relationships and how you relate to those involved. Are your conversations dominated by YOUR needs, YOUR aches and pains, YOUR struggles of the day or do you listen to those around you and really try to empathize with them. EX: It must make for a really rough day when you have a new code design that your boss expects to be perfect and you haven't had a chance to manipulate yet on your own. Were you able to muddle through it at least? Do you feel anymore confident about it after the assignment. That's really frustrating to have been doing so well and t hen have a bit of a rough day. 

Give your communication partner that empathy piece. Even if they don't reciprocate it. You will surround yourselves with a support system of neighbors, friends, co-workers that might get the empathy piece. Of course, you lead by example. When you treat people how they want to be treated they are able to show you the same treatment : including empathy.

I am now telling myself, I know its difficult for you to go bed because you have a hard time falling asleep when you have been away from your home for over 13 hours, but I have to take care of my body. Taking care of my body means resting and attempting to sleep a few hours each night. It's time for bed. :)